What Makes An Ugly Christmas Sweater Ugly?

On Aug 26, 2022

What Makes an Ugly Christmas Sweater Ugly?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, does the same hold true for ugliness? Perhaps, but there are also some things about an ugly Christmas sweater that are objectively hideous. When you’re deciding on a design for your holiday wardrobe, you want to make sure the sweater you choose is sending a clearly unattractive signal to everyone around you. Here are some tell-tale signs that you’re looking at a truly ugly holiday sweater.

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It Features At Least Three Colors

Technically, you could have a two-tone ugly sweater. But because garish colors are naturally unpleasant to look at, reaching the benchmark for ugliness is easier when you can mix together at least a few different hues. As we Tipsy Elves always say, “The more, the merrier!” Fortunately, Christmas is a holiday with no shortage of bright colors to work with.

Attention Snowflakes: These Ugly Christmas Sweaters Are Not For The Easily  Offended - BroBible

It Offends People Accidentally (on Purpose)

Yes. This. Whether you are roasting Santa or celebrating fornicating reindeer, there’s no doubt that messing with people’s most cherished beliefs and violating their taboos is one way to go with your tacky holiday apparel. Since Christmas is also a religious holiday, you’ve also got the opportunity to shock and appall people with your lack of respect for the Birthday Boy himself. Watch out, because it could get ugly—and we’re not just talking about your sweater!

Ugly Christmas sweater contest you say? I crocheted the entire thing with  no idea how you're actually supposed to make a sweater. I won! (The longer  you look at it, the more

It Has Dangly, Twiddly bits

From pom-poms to bows to actual Christmas ornaments, a tacky Xmas sweater is one that fully supports fidgeting. It should drive people crazy when you fiddle with the bits and bobs stuck to your sweater. If they come after you with scissors, vowing to shear you of your tinsel and leave you looking like a sad green sheep, you know the sweater is sufficiently ugly.

Johanna Christmas Sweater pattern by Johanna Buschardt

It Would Make Granny Proud

Yes, an old-fashioned Fair Isle knit can definitely hold its own in the ugly Christmas sweater lineup. But it must go beyond the traditional snowflake embellishments, to make that happen. Pump up the ugly factor with dayglo colors, upside down fir trees, or humping reindeer, and you’re on your way to enjoying an old-timey ugly classic.

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It Makes No Sense

The more you can mix up the Christmas theme with weird, unexpected stuff, the more it jars the eye. Dinosaurs, ninja-bread men, or a three-toed sloth all make great non-normative holiday icons. It’s the kind of ugly-cute factor that makes people smile and groan at the same time.

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It’s Impossible to Ignore

This is probably the number one rule for both womens and mens ugly Christmas sweaters. If it’s not “in your face”, it’s not worthy of the ugly label. When people can’t stop staring, then you’re onto something. For example, you might wear a two-headed Xmas sweater with your best friend or your significant other. Or, you could put on a sweater that doubles as a beer pong game. That’s not something you see every winter!


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